kitchenaid

it's supposed to be a merry night. a night to cherish. i was looking forward to it. but it ended up in quite a big disappointment.

well at least the event is merry, and everyone really cherished the night. especially the kedua mempelai. congratulations to dodoe and partner!

it's just that, somehow i didn't really enjoy it? i can't exactly spell it out which parts are the one that's really upsetting. there are some nice moments, like seeing aiysha and atikah, both of whom i haven't seen since forever. haha. but... i don't know. my table is supposed to be the place where everyone wants to be (or maybe just hazwan... or maybe not), but i didn't enjoy my time on the table.

and some off it as well. entah.

what i have in mind right now is what i thought along the way back home. i'm tired of everything. i WANT something new, something refreshing. i'm not sure if it's exactly what i NEED, but at the moment, it's the thing that is playing in my mind. it's saying that i have to get out of this current loop i'm circling.

perhaps i'm just over-reacting on whatever happened tonight. or perhaps i'm just over-thinking things. or maybe it's the many questions faced last night, about what i'm doing currently. i mean, as per now, i'm in that limbo that is not a student yet not an employee i.e. i'm unemployed. i mean, when atikah was asking that just now, i answered the required answer plus a non-required remark "i don't know if i'm looking forward to it".

i mean, i don't even know what does that mean.

so, i'm just thinking, perhaps i'm just overreacting. i mean, on one hand, i unconsciously told people that i don't wanna start working. while on the other hand, i was so tired of everything that i'm doing right now. like, EVERYthing, i wanna start afresh.

so what else could be a better chance to start anew than joining a group of MT, half of them i don't know, and will be doing things that i've never done before? okay so i could be doing that new things for the rest of my life until i retire, being an employee, but hey i've been a student since i was 5, and now i'm 24, so that's 19 years of THIS, whatever THIS is.

okay let me try to guess myself what THIS is: being a student (full time), having friends, enjoying self, dealing with drama that is life.

and what's new? being an employee (full time), having family, give joy to others, cutting self from the burdening environment, like what Ryan Bingham preaches in his series "What's in your Backpack?"

so, the big question now is, am i ready to take that leap of faith?

btw, talk about messing up. it's now Day 3 of Japanese Film Fest at GSC, and i haven't watched a single movie!!! and the schedule doesn't look promising for me for Day 3 (saturday... wedding at Rembau and MMER?) and Day 4 (cousin's engagement at KKB... whole day?). i wouldn't get to watch all of them!! =(((