Cita-cita

do you still remember your very first cita-cita? the one that you wrote in your school report card (or something)?

well i don't. but i do remember that mine varied, every year. so for my 5 years in primary school (i'm special, unlike the common 6-year batch), i think i've listed 5 different ambitions in my report card. i'm not sure if i can list them all now; one day if i do some clean up and stumbled upon my old report book, i shall post it here.

but if i'm not mistaken, those 5 are the typical ambitions that were listed by kids back then. i said back then because i'm sure "angkasawan" would rank among the top 5 cita-cita among kids these days. i know that back then i never had one real ambition that i was all set up to achieve as i grow up. i think i came up with 5 different titles because usually my class teacher only asked me on-the-spot what i wanted to be, like a day before parents day. such impromptu question will of course be given adhoc answer. hence, anything that i can think of during that time.

you know, like "pegawai polis", "askar", "peguam", "guru", "ahli bomba", "doktor" -> most popular among biodata books.

but one thing for sure. i never dreamed of becoming these: a doctor, an actuary, or even pegawai PNB. the latter is very recent, some 7 years ago.

i also can't remember when was the first time i really had an idea about what i wanted to be. when i was in ma'ahad, i think i was so confused about what i wanted to be; i neither wanted to be an ustaz or the sort, but i couldn't see myself doing anything other than that when i was there. shallow thinking of course, but that wasn't really an issue, because why does it matter anyway, your ambition, when you're just 15?

but when i was in mrsm, i remember how i finally set myself a very realistic ambition that i'm very serious about achieving, i'm so serious about it i even told people, my friends about it. not just telling them, you know, but rather i publicize it to the mass.

it was in form 4. we were placed in a new block, with new tables and all. so we were decorating our new but bland tables, and my idea of decoration is by putting some small paper cuttings detailing some of my future targets. you know, motivational stuff. but the most memorable, even among my fellow classmates, is my future timeline that i set up.

i've lost my upper-form treasure chest, consisting of memorabilia from those 2 years in high school, including that piece of paper. but it more or less looks something like this:

2003: SPM
2004: 10 1As, enrol into matriculation.
2005: going into an IPT for a degree course.
2008: graduated with a degree - start working as cikgu MRSM
2009: getting married at the age of 21.

au kama qaal. notorious kot this piece of paper. sometimes my friends still talk about it, you know, asking how things turned out to be in the end. but the point is, thruout high school, i've set about myself on going to be a cikgu MRSM!

but 2 years of serious consideration went down the drain after i got my SPM results. i got 1A for my Biology (and 7 other subjects), prompting me to consider doing Medicine. the ultimatum was when i was applying for JPA/Mara scholarships; it's either JPA Medic or Kursus Perguruan something2 under MARA. i chose the former.

but that wasn't so much an ultimatum; it was the final nail on the coffin to my ambition to become a teacher. but actually i still haven't decided about what i really wanted to do. during the post-SPM results, my focus shifted from "achieving my ambition" into "being a sponsor's staff".

like, do i want to be a TNB power plant engineer? or a Petronas geologist in Sudan? or TM's landline engineer? or maybe Bank Negara's financial analyst? or PNB's... entah. i didn't know back then what a PNB staff does, so it was limited to "pekerja PNB".

so what did i do? heh i'll write more in the second part. dah panjang sangat ni kalau korang nak baca lagi.

see me soon.